Black Hole

When time stops and a thousand lifetimes reveals your every role,

When all becomes a moment and a moment can no longer be defined by time,

When the sum total of your existence cannot be held in your mind,

It shines brightly against the night sky,

A movie projection of all your lifetimes.

It's a day, a year, a century as One,

It's everything you are and nothing at all,

It's every moment and every role,

Traveling through this tragic, beautiful black hole.

~me

My Last Night Before Leaving For Kenya

I wrote this a couple of years ago and want to share.......

So, it’s the night before we leave for Kenya and I am so emotional. This is not a huge surprise for me but what’s surprising is where my emotions are coming from. This entire week leading up to tonight I have felt like I’m in a movie although I can’t make out what’s playing because this movie is on fast forward times four. From demands, requests, questions, and inquiries I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I often hear friends say, "Take a deep breath and relax."  Immediately I would say, "You’re right. I will do that."  Just as soon as I try to "slow down" my phone will immediately start to ring with someone else’s crisis leaving me running around trying to "fix it."  As I sat down to write this journal entry I realized that I am pulled in so many different directions from so many different people. At this very moment I have again thought about the significance of this trip and what it means to me and my daughter. We are leaving a country that moves so fast with the use of technology and cell phones and are going to a country where time stops. The worries that could be (like not having a cell phone) are often not a concern because they are just fighting to survive. There is a gratefulness that having breath is the greatest blessing one could have and living another day is celebrated. Breath alone is enough reason to call anyone "rich."  I’m leaving a country where we have free education but we still find reasons to complain. Africa, as we all know, does not offer free education. Children become parents because parents die far too young all because they could not receive proper medical treatment or medication for a disease that could easily be treated.  My point is this: I am slowing down, reassessing what’s important in my life, and readjusting. I will no longer be a part of this rat race. Life (to me) is more than the materialistic things of this world. People are dying all over this world (including the U.S.) from hunger, aids, polluted water, etc. How can I be content with my life when I have not done my part in extending a helping hand? How can I sleep well at night knowing that I have not helped? How can I turn a blind eye and say, "They will squander what we give them" when all they really want is to be shown how to fish, not just given fish. 

In Matthew 25:35-40 (and you can read further if you dare) it says it perfectly:  

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?  "The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.  For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.  

How can I turn a blind eye after reading that?  This movie on THIS night is no longer on fast forward times four. I can now recognize the movie playing and it’s actually not a movie at all. It’s a story called "My Life". Let that story be a story of compassion, love, forgiveness, and my love. Let that story be one of living in the moment, remaining true to myself, and a search for my divine life purpose and soul mission. Let that story be an inspiration to all that see it.  In all that I do…..I give all of the glory to YOU! God is my source, inspiration, and first true love. He resides on the inside of us all and He has made us all beautiful in His eyes.  

Slow down, smell the roses, notice the sky, smile at the birds, and take in this beautiful earth that God has blessed us with.  As I take a deep breath and relax, I sign off for now with God’s peace and love. Whatever you need from me can wait……Kenya HERE WE COME!!!!

Touched by an Angel by Maya Angelou

We, unaccustomed to courage

exiles from delight

live coiled in shells of loneliness

until love leaves its high holy temple

and comes into our sight

to liberate us into life.

Love arrives

and in its train come ecstasies

old memories of pleasure

ancient histories of pain.

Yet if we are bold,

love strikes away the chains of fear

from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity

In the flush of love's light

we dare be brave

And suddenly we see

that love costs all we are

and will ever be.

Yet it is only love

which sets us free.

Maya Angelou

I love this poem!  It's one of my favorites.  Don't be afraid to give and receive love!  It's a beautiful thing.  When you can do this you are truly free indeed! 

Materialism

"But as an adult working in the fashion industry, I struggle with materialism. And I'm one of the least materialistic people that exist, because material possessions don't mean much to me. They're beautiful, I enjoy them, they can enhance your life to a certain degree, but they're ultimately not important."  Tom Ford

If you’re not careful, you can get lost in materialism that is becoming more and more emphasized in our society.  If we remember that everything in this world is temporary and subject to change; we can live in it with contentment regardless of our material possessions.  It is important not to depend on external things for your happiness or validation.  If you do, you can lose a part of yourself that is more than just the physical…..it’s the spirit within your physical that is the essence of who you are.  Never allow materialism, a title, your degree, your social status, fame, money, or ANYTHING to become what validates who you are or what brings you happiness.  Your spirit is much deeper than that and none of that can feed or nurture it. 

So….enjoy your things but don’t let it tell the story of who you are!  I have been taught the greatest wisdom from people that the world will never know of.  They had very little material possessions.  I was once told at a very young age, “Look around!  Life is beautiful!  The world is beautiful!  You have all of the most beautiful things around you!  The sun shines on you every day!  All things are working together and all creatures on this earth have a purpose.  Take notice!  You were chosen to live here!  You were blessed with abundance!” 

I walked away thinking this:  Wow Tonya, you can choose to see the beauty and abundance around you every day and realize how amazing it is to experience this life OR you can always think about what you don’t have or what you wish you had and not notice your abundance right in front of you which is your very own life. 

I thank God for allowing my eyes to behold the beauty of this magnificent place!  I also thank Him for blessing me with everything I have in my life.  Gratitude is medicine for the soul.  As I focus on how beautiful this place is; somehow all that I could ever ask for or think has been given to me by the Almighty!  Yes, God has blessed me with abundance BUT I work very hard at being mindful of why I purchase what I purchase.  Materialism will never become what feeds my soul.  I’m grateful for it all BUT it does not define who or what I am.  I am a spirit within this body that will one day walk out of this life into an eternal one.  I will not take anything physical from this world into my eternal one BUT I will take with me the beautiful message given to me when I was a child by someone that the world will never know of. 

All that really matters in this life is LOVE.  We are not becoming love or learning how to love…….WE ARE LOVE!  To love is to BE!  Being is defined as the totality of ALL things that exist!  It’s from THAT space of BEING that you realize that the gift of life and love is the totality.  It’s also from that space that all material things are attracted to you.  Appreciation can attract your manifestation!  Don’t we all want to be appreciated?  It’s human nature to want to be around people that appreciate us.  Why would you think that your material blessings were any different?  All things have a desire to be appreciated.

Appreciation will attract your manifestation!  What is it that you’re trying to manifest?  Have you taken notice yet of the abundance that God has already blessed you with?  If you are breathing and reading this right now, you have been blessed with the greatest gift ever….LIFE!  Be grateful because appreciation will attract your manifestation…..and sometimes your manifestation is not exactly what you expected but much better than what you could have ever imagined!