**Forgive me in advance for any grammatical errors. It's just me being imperfectly perfect**
I know that most of you don’t fellowship with me everyday and therefore don’t really know me intimately. I tend to not show myself freely because of fear of rejection. Yes, I admit it FB that is or (after tonight) WAS my fear and also one of my most challenging life test thus far. I also know that God does not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind so I’m pretty confident I will pass this test every time. I know I will be tried but God will get me through as He tells us over and over again in the bible “Do not fear”. With that being said, please know that I am fine with being transparent. There’s nothing about me that I ever feel the need to hide. I know who I am and whose I am and I love myself. I am about to become an open book so if you choose not to read you might want to stop right here.
My big revelation was that I cannot live behind the wall that I created because it’s safe for me. I have been guilty in the past of only allowing a select few to break through that wall. To continue to live this way is to reject God's assignment on my life. We are commanded to love! I was born with God's love in my heart (we all were) and it would be selfish of me to not pour it out to others because of my fleshly fears! When we come into this world I believe God's love is perfect in us. God sent us here with our own free will. We can choose to go down the road that leads to life or death. ("Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live”. NLT Deuteronomy 30:19). We can choose who to worship or if we will have a belief at all. With all of this free choice, we can also choose to love unconditionally or not. I was choosing to live my life in that "safe" place because of my own selfish fears.
As a child we come as our authentic self. We don’t know how to be anyone else. The thought of some people acting fake would probably perplex a child. Why would anyone not want to be who God created them to be? When life’s hard knock lessons beat us down we might find ourselves hardening our hearts. The same heart that had God's love poured in it from birth, we choose to harden and employ self-preservation! I believe we were born with natural instincts. Self-preservation is almost like protecting yourself from something that you don’t want to go through or accept. I don't believe this is an instinct. I think this is a learned behavior because of going through life's challenges and pain. It's a way to protect our hearts. It's a way to defend ourselves from something that we don't want to accept. I think it's a learned behavior derived out of pride? I don’t claim to know all the answers but what I do know is that life lessons come to help us grow and to make us stronger.
As a child, it’s hard to grasp this. When we don’t understand the why is when I think we self-preserve or harden our hearts. Some of those tough things we might have faced as a child might not have been God's will at all. My point is that when we come here with this innocent, unconditional love it gets tainted by this world, our negative experiences, or negative words that well meaning people spoke to us. The love that we all have in our hearts came with no judgment towards others. It’s so pure that it won’t even judge the ones that reject us. Since I believe it's God's perfect love, it only sees people through the eyes of Christ. Yes, that means the Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Catholic, Pentecostal (and whatever other Religion that is out there) believers are all LOVED through the eyes of Christ! No judgment, no condemnation, no debate, just pure love! He is a merciful loving God! That was one of God's many lessons taught to me as I vowed to always remain a teachable student.
For some reason I share ALL of me sincerely as if this community sees me as being anonymous. Sometimes I even forget that I’m not anonymous. It would be so much easier to set up an anonymous blog wouldn’t it? I actually did that recently because I was “fearful” of others judging me for my always positive attitude. This is who I am. I have always been this person. The people that know me intimately will attest to this. This post is because I have gone my entire life judged for being this way. I even went through years of “trying” to be someone else just to fit in. It didn’t even feel right! What I realized is that I’m not a good actress…LOL. I remember when I was younger I tried smoking cigarettes. Guess what, I looked SO ridiculous. I remember one of my friends saying, “You don’t even look right with that cigarette”. I’m sure I didn’t! I was only doing it to fit in.
Even as some might read this they will say that I am foolish for posting this and putting my business out there. I might have agreed with them at one point in my life but not for the same reasons they might have said it. I would probably be thinking, “Yes, you’re right! What if they judge me for being me?" After all, it is just “my beliefs." Who cares what I think?" I’m sure 99% might not care but that’s not why I’m choosing to write this. I am writing it because I feel led to (and trust me, it’s not easy). It might be just for one person or it could just be for me to put it out in the universe as an act of my faith. Who knows? All I know is that I have learned to be obedient to that tugging in my spirit. Yes, these are my beliefs and I choose to believe that God is love, He created us all in that love, His love abides in us ALL, and that love is what we will need to get through this life with peace, happiness, and joy (regardless of what’s thrown at us).
The truth is – I am who I am. Like me or not I can only be who God has created me to be and with that comes acceptance as well as rejection. You would be surprise how people can even reject you for naturally being an optimistic person. I think it’s more natural as humans for us (not everyone) to automatically doubt or label someone that's optimistic as an “impostor” because in their eyes the optimistic person projects “perfection”. (Prime example, that status that's been going around making jokes about the person that says life is great, I love my husband, etc). In reality what the optimistic person projects is authenticity and some might not know what that looks like.
I have been told many times before that I think I’m “holier than thou”. My response is always the same, “No, I don’t think I’m holier than thou, you think I’m holier than thou”. There is a difference. When I say that God has really blessed me with the ability to see others through His eyes, He has. I was not given this gift because I deserved it or because I’m special. I was given this gift because I asked for it in prayer! James 4:2 reminds us that "Ye have not because ye ask not." Psalms 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." At the time of my prayer I asked from a sincere heart and God granted my wish. Be careful what you pray for though, I had no clue what my life would look like to live this way. I had no clue prior to studying the life of Jesus it wasn’t a glamorous life. I might have his eyes but not his perfection. I make mistakes, I fall, and I hurt (just like everyone else) BUT I always dust myself off and get back up. I’m not perfect but Jesus was made sin for us so that we may become the righteousness of God. (Him who knew no sin He made to be sin on our behalf; that we might become the righteousness of God in Him - II Corinthians 5:21).
I’ve prayed for many things that have not yet been answered. Why did God decide to answer that prayer I often questioned in the past. I’m now realizing that the why is no longer important for me to understand. My life is already pre-destined and while I do have my own free will I think when we pray Gods perfect will for our own life, our prayers are immediately answered.
Can you really blame anyone from putting walls up when being their authentic self is constantly misunderstood or doubted? After all, I can’t actually be sincerely trying to live a life pleasing to God (being sarcastic). I do realize that there are many people that portray themselves as being “perfect” so I understand why some folks are skeptical. I think if everyone truly tried to focus on themselves and their own love walk, they wouldn't have time to be skeptical about what others are doing. My wish is that everyone would exercise their natural spirit of discernment to distinguish the “impostors”. Once you’ve identified them God has already given us instructions on what to do. Here it is: Love em'
1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (NIV)
I post this with no more fear of rejection. God said, “Do not be afraid” close to 365 times in the bible (according to the movie Facing the Giants). I think it’s safe to say that we ALL struggle with fear of something. Tonight, I break that fear over my life! For that possible one person this was also for, BE NOT AFRAID! One of my favorite songs which is what I rest in tonight is Kirk Franklin “The Appeal”. This was my appeal.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you. (NKJV)
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid? (NKJV)
Psalm 56:3-4 When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me? (NIV)
Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (NIV)
Isaiah 41:13 For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (NIV)
Isaiah 54:4 Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. (NKJV)
Matthew 10:26 Therefore do not fear them. For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be known. (NKJV)
2 Corinthians 4:7-11 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. (NIV)
Philippians 1:12-14 Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly. (NIV)
2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. (NLT)
1 Peter 3:13-14 Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened." (NIV)
1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)
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